Where is the Tear that should drop for you?

Today is 10th of January.

Now is around 9.20pm.

Just now, I surf your Facebook wall.

I saw something that make me jealous.

Cause you are caring a boy, that you say you dislike.

As always,

Sadness strike in.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to smoke.

I wanted to ask you, why the boy is not me?

But,

This time was different.

Tears roll in the gap between the eyelid and the eyeball.

Not enough to drop out.

Is this a signal,

Says that,

The love form me to you is not that deep as last time I cried because your first rejection?

Or should I say,

The injury to my heart this time,

Is not enough to pierce through my scar to my heart?

My heart is not as beautiful as last time already.

Full of scars and blood.

The thick skin of the scars give a better protection to my heart.

Pain is not that easy to felt anymore.

Of course, depends of which type of pain.

You give me everything.

You give me happiness when we are talking through the phone.

You give me will to lead a better life.

You give me dream to trying to make your life better.

You give me determination to do something that I fail to continue.

You give me a target to archive in my life.

You give me sadness when I surf trough your blog, Facebook wall, etc.

You give me jealousy when you caring another boy in somewhere I can see.

You give me a chance to drop my tears.

You are beautiful.

Everything.

Your beauty is giving a noble scent.

Almost flawless.

Your kindness is great.

You take time to chat with me in a phone, with the one that have no relation to you.

You make me felt DAMN good.

But,

The kindness you gave,

Hurt me the most.

This time,

I did not drop my tears.

I think very rational,

We should end our "relationship"

The love is not there, just a habit.

My ugliness make you the first flaw in your beauty.

The main thing, I felt something that I do not know is it love, from you.

Now I can not find a thing so that I can match with you.

I do not know I can continue to "Love" you, Y.H.